Thursday, October 12, 2006

Drinking With R.C. Sproul, Jr.

"We're Presbyterians so we smoke and drink!"
R.C. Sproul, Jr.

Drinking with RC Sproul Jr

"There's nothing worse than an introspective drunk. Gratefully, R.C. Sproul, Jr. isn't at all introspective."

Thomas Sharpe

Ecclesia Intoxicata, Semper Intoxicatum

RC Sproul Jr. is the defrocked Pastor and head brewmeister of Saint Peter Presbyterian Church in Bristol, Virginia and Mendota, Virginia. His Mendota Pale Ale is just awesome!

RC Sproul Jr in kilt with traditional Scottish beverages

RC Sproul Jr. is also the President, CEO, VP of Marketing, and Chief of Fundraising of the Highlands Study Center.

Most people only know of RC Sproul Jr. because he's the namesake of a famous, highly respected, and very intelligent theologian. But some of us actually know RC Sproul, Jr. up close and personal. We call him "RC 2.0" or just plain, "Junior."

Drinking With Calvin and Luther
One of the most important things to know about RC Sproul Jr. is that he likes to party, and he's mighty proud of it!

R.C. Sproul Jr.'s favorite book is Jim West's Drinking With Calvin and Luther. In fact R.C. wrote the Forward for the book. If you're lookin' for a partyin' church, Saint Peter Presbyterian Church is the place for you! We may not be able to actually drink with Calvin and Luther, but we sure do drink with RC!

Beer -- it's not just for breakfast anymore!

R.C. often reminds us in his sermons that, "We're Presbyterians, so we smoke and we drink!" Waaahoo RC! Let's party! Party on RC!

A lot of us never got to go to a kegger when we were in college (bummer). But now we get to have keggers at church! Yaaahoo! Koinonia Kegger!

R.C.'s got a reputation for being kind of anti-social. But it's pretty amazing what some liquor does for his disposition. When R.C.'s not drinkin' he can get pretty grouchy. When he does drink he can actually get sort of friendly, sort of like a pastor would be friendly. Some of us would just as soon he drink.

And drink he does! Here's an actual picture of R.C.'s beer cellar and brewery. Woohoo! Let's get to drinkin'! No, those empties there in front of the bathtub aren't being saved to return to the store (Virginia doesn't have a deposit law). They're waiting to be refilled with R.C.'s homebrew. The stove is used in the brewing process and apparently the bathtub has something to do with brewing process too! Um, yummy!

RC Sproul Jr's brewery

Back by popular demand its Ligonier Tales!

RC Sproul Jr's Ligonier Tales

Some thought it was just satire when we long ago dubbed the Highlands Study Center Basement Tapes "The Boozement Tapes." It's no joke though, and the label has caught on. Check out the video below that "Fled Mendota" posted on You Tube.  

Beer helping RC Sproul Jr to danceLinks and fun drinking facts with RC Sproul Jr:

Words Of Wit from defrocked Pastor R.C. Sproul, Jr. and defrocked Pastor and Court Jester Laurence Windham.

RC Sproul Jr. is the founder of the Highlands Study Center. The Highlands Study Center publishes Every Thought Captive. Aside from that we're not really sure what the Highlands Study Center does. The Highlands Study Center does throw some wicked, er, righteous parties though, including open bars at the pastor's camps! Party on RC!

Become a member of St. Peter Presbyterian Church and you too can become the proud owner of your very own "Heroes Of the Faith" pillows.

RC Sproul Jr. shares his awesome collection of home brew beer bottle labels.

Church News Today interviews R.C. Sproul, Jr. on his time of medication, er, meditation (12-30-05).

RC Sproul Jr. announces the start of "Beer Church." Ordinations now available (act fast). Basement Tapes changed to "Boozement Tapes."

Don't tell RC that he drinks too much or you might cause him to "stumble." He probably didn't mean any pun by that, but it's still really funny, especially since he thinks he "drinks in moderation."

Atty. Gen. Lockyer and others urge R.C. Sproul, Jr. to stop mailing out drink recipes.

L' Enfant Terrible announces the itinerary of the Pastor's Camp at the Highlands Study Center. Some very interesting comments here by previous St. Peter visitors, and lots of astonishing admissions by St. Peter members.

R.C. Sproul, Jr. slandered Harry Seabrook in one of his infamous Open Letters, accusing Seabrook of being a "racist" and demanding that he "repent." In order to justify his attack against Seabrook, R.C. Sproul Jr had to fabricate an email exchange between them that never occurred. Can you say "pathological liar"? Needless to say, Seabrook was not impressed that a man that he admired so much could turn out to be so duplicitous (join the club, Harry). Now Harry is exposing R.C.'s malicious approach to pastoring.

Some people think that Saint Peter Presbyterian Church is a cult, and that RC Sproul Jr is some kind of Presby-Pope. But that's just because we practice shunning (and then there's that pillow shrine thing). We especially shun people who don't like to party with us, or if they challenge any of our doctrines, like "presumptive regeneration."

The Austin family posts another update (1-18-06), Part Ten, The Body of Christ, and the Lies of Sessions. Those Austins are so unrealistic! After all, didn't RC Spoul Jr and the St. Peter Presbyterian Church Session "repent" in writing? Well, anyway, they sure used the word "repent" a lot in their letter. But nooooo! That's not good enough for the Austins. Well, sure, RC Sproul Jr and his Session did have all kinds of excuses, and they even blamed the Austins in their letter of "repentance." But sheesh! It's like the Austins expect real repentance or something. It's like they expect the kind of repentance where RC Sproul Jr and his Saint Peter Session actually has to stop sinning against them. It's like the Austins expect pastors to act like, well, pastors or something. Some people are just so picky these days! The Austins act like they think the Bible is inerrant, and that it's actually supposed to be interpreted literally or something. The nerve of some people!

Alcohol, Legalism and Weaker Brothers, is Dabitur's response to Julie Austin's Parenting With Purpose humorous article, You Must Drink! St. Peter Presbyterian Church member, Jim, responds to Dabitur (see comments #9425 and following) to fill him in about party-master R.C. Sproul, Jr.

Dabitur's blog article, How NOT To Apologize is a very humorous response to the St. Peter Presbyterian Church session's letter of "repentance" to John and Julie Austin.

L' Enfant Terrible Blog, Contumacy Is The New Black. The terrible infant compares the tyrannies perpetrated by R.C. Sproul, Jr. at St. Peter Presbyterian Church at Bristol and Mendota, Virginia to the ecclesiastical tyrannies perpetrated in the infamous Westminster Presbyterian Church in Tyler, Texas.

Brian Carpenter's blog article, Ecclesiastical Tyranny is insightful. Brian Carpenter knows first hand about ecclesiastical tyranny. Brian is a former member of the Rivendell community, and was excommunicated from the Covenant Church Of Willis as part of that "Christian covenant community" disaster. Brian's excommunication was later overturned on appeal by the Federation Of Reformed Churches (FORC). R.C. Sproul, Jr. served as defense counsel for several defendants in that church trial. By some accounts R.C.'s defense was pretty lame. RC got to witness ecclesiastical tyranny in action first hand. Since then he's apparently decided that he wants in on the action too. Despotism is contagious!

Former Saint Peter Presbyterian Church member Peter Kershaw posts a disclaimer page about RC Sproul Jr. on his ministry's web site. Peter is the guy that wrote letters to RC Sproul Jr confronting his ecclesiastical tyrannies against the Austins. Apparently there's a bunch of other things too that he's called them to task for with the RPCGA, but Peter says he's not talking about that other stuff with anybody but the Presbytery... yet.

Former Saint Peter Presbyterian Church member Michael Branson issues an Open Letter and a call to repentance to his former pastor and "mentor," RC Sproul, Jr.

Dennis Cochran says: "It's only right for people to be told. The SPPC false shepherds continue in their flagrant rebellion against God. Let their deeds of darkness be exposed and the saints be warned - Dennis." On 02-13-06 former St. Peter Presbyterian Church attendee Dennis Cochran publicly released his letter to the RPCGA about the St. Peter bullies. Dennis' letter contains some startling revelations, including the fact that RC Sproul Jr. took a gun into a public restaurant for a meeting with Dennis, just in case: RC Sproul Jr's Bizarre Pastoral Style

RC Sproul Jr. and Saint Peter Session Defrocked

On January 26, 2006 the Westminster Presbytery of the Reformed Presbyterian Church General Assembly deposed RC Sproul Jr, Laurence Windham, Jay Barfield and Wayne Hays from the Office of Elders at Saint Peter Presbyterian Church. Not that a trivial little thing like being defrocked is about to stop RC Sproul Jr though! Two days later he just had his congregation vote him and his three defrocked buddies right back in again as pretend-Elders of St. Peter
PresbyterianCongregational Church. Human Events: R.C. Sproul, Jr. Defrocked
Pearcey Report: R.C. Sproul, Jr. Defrocked
Pearcey Report: Statement From the Highlands Study Center
R.C. Sproul Jr. defrocked
R.C. Sproul Jr. defrocking documents

The RC Sproul Jr Defrocking Aftermath

RC Sproul Jr pulls a Jimmy Swaggart.
RC Sproul Jr addresses rumors of moving St. Peter church to Guyana.
"RC Sproul Jr Speaks On 'Honor'. You've Gotta Be Kidding!"
"I just got defrocked. Please send money."
March/April 2006 ETC Top Ten List. Once again, RC Sproul Jr "honors" his father with this: "Dr. Sproul, in the context of child rearing, what in the world were you thinking?"

Duplicitous Douglas Wilson and the RC Sproul Jr Connection

Doug Wilson CREC
A lot of folks have speculated that RC Sproul Jr wouldn't stick around to go to trial with the Reformed Presbyterian Church General Assembly, and that he'd jump ship and take Saint Peter Presbyterian Church into the CREC. It looks like the RPCGA isn't just a bunch of bumpkins that just fell off the turnip truck. They didn't even give RC Sproul Jr an opportunity to thumb his nose at them. They beat RC to the punch and defrocked him. Now that RC's been defrocked it's unlikely any real denomination would re-ordain him. So obviously that wouldn't apply to Douglas Wilson's phony denomination, er, "confederation," the Confederation of Reformed Evangelical Churches.

The CREC will take just about anyone, and they'll ordain anyone, as long as they've got a pulse and some brainwaves. Heck, they took Douglas Wilson! "Hey buddy, have you just been defrocked over something real serious that your Presbytery found out about? Maybe something serious enough that you could wind up in jail over it (say like EIN fraud, identity theft and perjury)? No problemo. You're always welcome in the one denomination, er, confederation, where there's really no standards at all. Now let's check that pulse." Doug Wilson would never let minor issues like tax fraud stand in the way of being accepted into the CRE. That's because Doug Duplicitous Wilson plays fast and loose with the tax code himself! Doug Wilson arranged for his church to approve a monthly ministerial "housing allowance" to his son-in-law, Ben Merkle, who was not, and still is not, an officer of Christ Church.

Our sources have confirmed that there's a conspiracy afoot between Doug Wilson and RC Sproul Jr. to defy the Declaratory Judgment of the RPCGA, which declared Sproul unfit to be an Elder. Duplicitous Doug's plan is to ordain the defrocked Sproul in the CREC anyway, but in order to make it look like some kind of legitimate act they'll need to convene some sort of church tribunal to review the RPCGA's judgment and poke holes in it. If it happens no one would be particularly surprised. They've done it before. In fact, the CREC has ordained a number of men that had been defrocked by Presbyterian denominations. Perhaps CREC actually stands for "Confederation of Reject Evangelical Clergy." Duplicitous Doug is a law unto himself, and he has no respect for any other authority than himself. Come to think of it, RC Sproul Jr. is a law unto himself too! In theological terms they're autonomists. Maybe CREC should be changed to CREA -- Confederation of Reformed Evangelical Autonomists.

If RC Sproul Jr goes through with taking Saint Peter Presbyterian Church into the CREC, a lot of folks are gonna be real unhappy (what on earth would R.C. Sproul, Sr. think?), including all the Saint Peter members that RC Sproul Jr has told for years, "We can't be in the CRE. They're not Presbyterian. There's no real accountability. And they even accept Baptists!" If the CRE ordains RC Sproul Jr and his cadre of tyrants, after the RPCGA just defrocked them, it'll just prove what a phony denomination, er, "confederation" the CRE really is. Unfortunately, the poor members of Saint Peter church probably don't have any other options. RC Sproul Jr has so thoroughly stigmatized Saint Peter church that no real denomination would probably touch them.

On the other hand, probably a lot of people would be real happy to see RC Sproul Jr and Doug Wilson formally joined at the hip. Men of their character really deserve each other. There'd be great synergy. RC "We Drink" Sproul Jr in a denomination with a college that's known as the biggest party school in any Reformed denomination. The possibilities for RC are endless! Rather than just teaching brewing and beer sampling classes to a few Highlands Study Center students every once in a while, RC could be doing it every month at New Saint Andrews College. To quote President Roy Atwood, New St. Andrews is "the only wet campus on the Palouse!"

But what about all those poor Saint Peter people? If RC Sproul Jr could have almost gotten away with tyrannizing the Austin family the way he did in a real Presbyterian denomination, just imagine how many lives he'll be able to ruin in a phony denomination where "there's no real accountability."

Doug Wilson hasn't specifically named the Drinking With RC Sproul Jr web site in his blog, but it's a sure bet (pun intended) he knows about this site, and it's a sure bet ("I'll see you and raise $100") he doesn't like it. If Doug Pro-Gay Marriage Wilson doesn't like us we consider that a badge of honor. Duplicitous Doug has had more problems at Christ Church and New Saint Andrews College in Moscow Idaho than you can shake a crack pipe at. Casinos, drug dealers, wild drinking parties with psychedelic drugs and marijuana in "The Lounge" (euphemism for "Opium Den"), and the Elders' own kids are the ringleaders. You have to hand it to them though. Their daddies did learn-em to be entrepreneurs, and there's big money in gambling and drug dealing. Since Doug "Homosexuality Is Genetic" Wilson is guilty of embezzling his own church and using church money for secret payoffs, not to mention plagiarism, and he's got quite the reputation as an ecclesiastical tyrant, what else could anyone expect?

The latest scuttlebutt is that Ethan Atwood (son of Dr. Roy Atwood, President of New Saint Andrews College), having not been in any substantive way disciplined over the Morton Street Casino scandal, is giving some thought to opening a "Gentleman's Club." If that's true then we'll soon see applications being taken from among the NSA ladies student "body." Financial times have been tough for Ethan ever since his casino and bar got shut down, so he's probably looking for a new income stream. Ethan should have gone to jail, but Doug Wilson saw to it that it just got swept under the carpet. Wilson even stole $1,000.00 out of the Christ Church coffers as payoff money to keep "the house" (the canino's "banker") quiet. Ethan Atwood learned a valuable lesson -- crime pays, and it pays really well.

As a Pastor and an Elder, Duplicitous Doug Wilson sets the example for his church members, his college students, and his fellow Elders. Not only does Duplicitous Doug sweep criminal acts under the carpet, and rob his own church for payoff money, and protect Elders that the Bible requires be dismissed because they've abdicated their role as "federal head," and they're obviously incapable of being "One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity" (1Tim. 3:4), Doug Wilson also actively encourages the kids at NSA to wallow in the filth of worldly entertainments. So it shouldn't surprise anyone if Ethan Atwood goes through with starting a Gentleman's Club. For example, Doug Wilson writes: "The problem is not that we have too many Christians with a thorough-going Christian worldview watching godless movies. The problem is that we have too few." Gentleman's Club here we come! Shake that bootie, girls! (OK, so the Genlemen's Club is satire, but it's the only satire in this section. Everything else is completely factual; and considering all the other past and ongoing scandals out in Moscow, Idaho it's not at all far-fetched.)

Like his good buddie RC "We Drink" Sproul Jr, Doug "Own The Curse" Wilson sometimes says some good stuff, and often some really embarrassing stuff too. And just like RC "After You Figure Out How You're Being Stupid Just Repent" Sproul Jr, Doug Duplicitous Wilson doesn't practice what he preaches.

Here's something new from Doug Wilson's Blog and Mablog (note that Duplicitous Doug posted this on 1-30-06, but he makes no mention of the defrocking of RC Sproul Jr. which had occurred days before):
"A good example of this would be the recent flap surrounding R.C. Sproul, Jr. and the RPCGA. Everyone who is posting or running some variation of ought to withdraw their cyber-charges and privately offer any legitimate evidence they might have to the appropriate adjudicating bodies."
Doug, you're a genius! That's why you embezzle, er, get paid, the big bucks. What Doug Wilson is recommending is that if you know about any skeletons in his buddy RC Sproul Jr's closet you should rat him out to the RPCGA. Thanks Doug. With friends like you who needs enemies. Still, that's the most intelligent thing that's ever come out of your mouth. And while you're at it, if you know about any skeletons in Doug's closet (chortle, chortle) be sure you tell. . . umm, er, oh well. Never mind. Telling CREC Moderator Randy Booth about it would be a total waste of time (Randy Booth's son is one of the campus drug dealers). Like RC Jr says, "They're not Presbyterian. There's no real accountability." In Doug's case you probably oughta just call the cops.

RC's also referred to Doug Wilson as that guy who "wallows around in a pig sty," and "You don't have to wallow around in a pig sty to know that it stinks." At this point RC Jr's short-list is so short that the stench of Duplicitous Doug's pig sty is starting to smell pretty good.

CREC Convenes "Not Judicial In Nature" Commission

On March 14 CREC Moderator Randy Booth posted a statement on the CREC web site ( announcing the formation of a commission to provide "pastoral oversight" to Saint Peter Church. In his statement Mr. Booth says, "This Commission is not judicial in nature, but rather pastoral." When the CREC Moderator has to underline his statements, he's doing it for a very good reason, What he's trying to convey is, "Sure, we know our credibility is in the toilet. We know we've lied about a lot of stuff. We know we've exonerated other defrocked preachers by convening show trials and in the process we've trashed good denominations that had just cause for defrocking those men. But we've learned our lesson. This time you can really trust us. The serrated edge is in the sheath. This time we're going to do the honorable thing. This time when we call it a 'pastoral commission' it's because we're going to do something really unique for us. We're going to act like, well, pastors would act."
It takes as much gullibility to believe Doug Wilson as it does to believe the bureaucrat who shows up at your front door and says, "Hi, I'm from the government and I'm here to help you." Taking the imagery a step further, "You can trust me. I work for the government." Anyone who's been on the receiving end of Doug Wilson's serrated edge knows that the man can't be trusted, so when he, or one of his faithful lackeys says, "The CREC respects the judicial bounds of the RPCGA and intends to operate within those boundaries," and especially when he has to underline it, we can be pretty confident that they intend to sucker-punch the RPCGA and trash the witnesses that produced the evidence and testimony that resulted in the defrocking of the Saint Peter Four. In fact, Doug Wilson has been telegraphing that very message for weeks in his blog series, "A Justice Primer." It doesn't take a serrated edge to cut through the subterfuge and anticipate his agenda.

Karaoke Fun and Satire With RC Sproul, Jr.

Karaoke to The Boor Who Wound Up Defrocked
Check out also Hypocrites Now Defrocked.
Hotel Sproul and Windham
Sounds Of Spinning
Just Bash And Lie
Searching For A Sucker

Smells Like Cult Leader

RC Sproul Jr. Related Blogs and Web Sites:

Spinderella Sproul: Lessons In Spin With Spinmeister RC Sproul Jr.
From the Prairie
Two Talent Living
The Thinkery
Doctrine, Theology and All That Jazz
RC Sproul Jr blogger search

Douglas Wilson Related Blogs and Web Sites:

Articles and Web Sites on Ecclesiastical Tyrants, Abusive Churches, and Help for Battered Sheep

"For you bear with anyone if he enslaves you, if he devours you, if he takes advantage of you, if he exalts himself, if he hits you in the face." (2 Cor. 11:20)

RC Sproul Jr Kool-Aid
RC Sproul Jr Kool-Aid™
What To Do If You Find Yourself In a Spiritually Abusive Religious System
Profile of a Sociopath (or how to spot a cult leader)
Spiritual Abuse  
Cults and Spiritually Abusive Churches
How Can I Discern Whether I'm in a Healthy or Abusive Fellowship?
Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies?
What Language Does Your Church Speak? The Language of Abusive Churches and Groups, by Bill Newcomer
Abuse of Authority in the Church: A Biblical Perspective of Leadership, by Jason Young
Authoritarianism in The Church, by Steve Martin
Abusive Churches, by Pat Zukeran
Abusive Churches: Leaving Them Behind, by Pat Zukeran
Uncovering Churches That Abuse People, by Henry Sheppard
The Cult Church, by Marlene Jones Skurtu
Eight Distinctives Of An Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group
The Power Abusers, by Dr. Ron Enroth
Recovery From Spiritual Abuse, by Sharon Hilderbrandt
They Told Me That If I Left. . . by Ron Henzel
Abusive Churches; How To Recognize and Deal With Spiritual Abuse
Characteristics Of Abusive Churches, by Mark Hill
The Signs Of Authoritarian Abuse, by Steven Lambert

Exposing Ecclesiastical Wolves In Sheep's Clothing

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." (Matthew 7:15)

Books On Abusive Churches and Spiritual Abuse

Mothers Against Drunk Deacons
Because MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Deacons) keeps complaining to the ISP's (Inebriation Service Providers) about our site, sometimes they'll try and put a cork in our fun and kill the party. Not to worry. There's dozens and dozens of freebie hosting companies. It takes all of five minutes to set up a new one. How will you know where to find us? Simple. Just go to the Fun Drinking Site (be sure and bookmark that page) where we're pretty sure you'll always be able to find a link for this site. Those MADD crybabies might intimidate a lot of Inebriation Service Providers, but that doesn't mean they're about to keep us from having a good time! Party on!

Disclaimer: Some will cry, "Scandalous!" Some will cry, "Scurrilous!" And yet others will cry, "Slanderous!" But actually if this site can be labeled as anything at all, it's just "Satirical!" (and yet most of it is actually quite factual). So don't get your knickers all in a twist.
For the record the authors of this site aren't teetotalers nor do we have a problem with the moderate and responsible consumption of alcoholic beverages by adults of legal drinking age who are considerate toward others by not abusing and flaunting their Christian liberties. R.C. Sproul Jr's personal definitions of "responsible" and "moderate" and "considerate" and even "legal drinking age" differ dramatically from the common usage of those terms.

A Note Of Thanks

We wish to express our personal thanks and gratitude to all those who have helped to make this web site possible. Without all that "insider information" coming our way this site wouldn't have been possible. We especially want to thank those current St. Peter members who have given us all the inside scoop. It's hard for us to understand how you can stay there (a lot of people must still be too afraid to leave), when things are as bad as you tell us they are. But as long as you're there keep those cards and letters coming!

If you've got any party pics with RC, or any fun stories to share, send them to:
r.c.sproul2.0 at gmail (dot) com

Disclaimer: This site is part satire, but mostly factual. As with all satire, the satire on this site originates from actual incidents and statements made by the individuals named. The burden is on the reader to sort the facts from what has been embellished by satire. "The purpose of satire has been rightly stated as to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion and cosy half truth." 
Michael Flanders 

Labels: , , ,

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Words Of Wit With R.C. Sproul Jr.

RC Sproul Jr words of wit


Every church member should have things they can be proud of their pastor for having said. Here's some of our most memorable and touching

Words Of Wit from R.C. Sproul, Jr.

and his sage sidekick Laurence Windham, our [defrocked] pastors at St. Peter Presbyterian Church and the Highlands Study Center.

We wish to remind you that if it weren't for your generous financial support to the Highlands Study Center, it just wouldn't have been possible for our pastors to have published such inspirational comments like these:

RC Sproul Jr. on the importance of being introspective:
"I know me well enough to know that I could fall off some theological deep end, and maybe take some poor souls with me."1

RC Sproul Jr. on the theology of beer:
"One of my favorite intellectual debates centers around this question - is bad beer better than no beer? A corollary is this, Is free bad beer better than good beer?"2

"I managed to stay clear of beer, until the next time I had an opportunity to consume some."3

"In most churches when they say, 'Hide the beer, the pastor's here!", they mean it one way. But here at St. Peter we mean it an entirely different way."4 

RC Sproul Jr. on chugging beer:
"I learned that alcohol is a powerful social lubricant, so much so that high schoolers who normally wouldn't give 13 year old Jim and me the time of day, were more than willing to adopt us as mascots, and to pour beer down our throats for entertainment. I learned that perhaps the greatest sport a jock might aspire to was chugging beer. And I learned that I was pretty good at it."5

RC Sproul Jr. on symbols of brotherhood:
"Now I was drunk enough that drinking together was a delightful symbol of brotherhood. Urinating together as well was a delightful symbol of brotherhood."6 

RC Sproul Jr on alcohol and sexual prowess:
"Around that keg we were taught the TKE fight song, which celebrated first the capacity to consume great quantities of alcohol, and second, sexual prowess. I still remember the chant to this day."7 

RC Sproul Jr. on the birth of his son:
"I always knew that if God should bless me with a son that he would be the walking whiskey bottle, RC the Fifth."8

RC Sproul Jr prairie muffin
RC Sproul Jr. on his agrarian vision:
"In short, we're a hardy band of prairie muffins, but of the Scottish variety."9


RC Sproul Jr. on having his "colors done":
"I don’t remember what I ended up being, but I remember what I was rooting for. In this system your 'color' comes out as a season. Some people are winters, some springs, and some summers. I knew however, that whatever the cloth said, I was a fall."10

RC Sproul Jr. on being foolish, immature and effeminate:
"Try as we might to mature and to grow beyond this peculiar brand of foolishness, I'm afraid that at heart we are still junior high girls."
RC Sproul Jr on why woman can't blog
RC Sproul Jr. on why women shouldn't be permitted to blog or have web sites:
"People are teaching who shouldn't be teaching. And people are learning where they ought not to be learning. A husband who loses his wife to a hook-up with some internet Lothario is probably better off than one who returns from work to find his wife safely at home, but having been seduced into Rome by some charming blogger."12

RC Sproul Jr. on virility and testosterone:
"My hormones went on hiatus once again, until reawakened in the fifth grade."13

RC Sproul Jr cult leader drinking the Kook-Aid
RC Sproul Jr. on drinking the Kook-Aid and being a cult leader:14
"It's not surprising that some might be afraid to drink the kool-aid here."

"For some time now there have been some inside and outside the church who have either insinuated or said outright that Saint Peter Presbyterian Church is a cult." 15
Top Ten Reasons To Join Saint Peter Presbyterian Church in the Summer:
#1. The Kool-Aid tastes better warm.16

RC Sproul Jr. on moving to St. Peter Presbyterian Church:
Question: "Will I have to eat grits?"
Answer: "It's either that, or the kool-aid."17

RC Sproul Jr as Rambo
RC Sproul Jr. on his aspirations of becoming Rambo:18
"I want to buy an assault rifle so I can shoot bad guys." (said to a group of pastors in Auckland, New Zealand in January, 2005)

RC Sproul Jr. on beating wives:
"Nor would I deny that some ethnic/cultural subgroupings have experienced greater common and special grace than others. A Scot, for instance, is less likely to beat his wife than a Pakistani."19

RC Sproul Jr yelling on phone
RC Sproul Jr. on telephone etiquette with "Phone Pimps" (telemarketers):
"Be bold and tell them to get a real job. Tell the callers that they are the lowest form of human life on the planet, that they are thieves of our time and our peace, that they are uninvited intruders and if the law and technology allowed, we would shoot them like rabid dogs."20

RC Sproul Jr. on not measuring up:
"My father and I are in the same line of work in the same way that the Space Shuttle and a paper airplane are both man-made flying objects. I don’t need to worry whether I will measure up, because no one ought to expect me to."21

RC Sproul Jr. on love:
RC Sproul Jr on love

"My tongue trembled when I sealed the envelope. But my heart exploded when a week later she too signed her letter, Love, Clare. It was a magic summer."22

Laurence Windham on love:23

LoveLFirst oveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveDo it!

Laurence Windham on the real reason that real men should make their wives wear head coverings:
"Have your wife cover her head in church. (Whether you agree with the practice or not it freaks people out.)"24

Laurence Windham on the Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church denomination not knowing their butts from a hole in the ground:
"Just recently I was changing my two year old son. Before I had fastened his diaper on he reached back to his lower posterior and said 'butt'. As a dad I was rather happy with the ongoing development of my child's noetic structure. My son now recognizes his derriere from, say, a hole in the ground. Of course, we use a colloquial phrase regarding this distinction between that part of our anatomy and a man made orifice for the securing of fenceposts to judge common sense. I'm not sure you as a body could tell the difference."25

Laurence Windham on how to be a real man:
"It is time, gentlemen, to get rough and rowdy. Break the apron strings; it is 'tea time' no longer. Put on some Levis. Pull on some boots. Pour yourself some scotch. Forgo shaving. Start wearing flannel. Light up a stogie. Try a Tarzan yell."26

Laurence Windham on the "Practicum" of lighting cigars:
"Be sure to let all the sulfer burn off the head of the match before you present it to the end of the cigar. Then just make sure the center of the head of the cigar is glowing red when you take a draw and you're ready to smoke. Remember, do not inhale. You are a smoker, not a sucker."27


1. Disassociating, Every Thought Captive, Vol 4, Issue 3 (2000)
2. Book Reviews, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 5, Issue 4
3. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
4. RC Sproul Jr. in a Feb '05 St. Peter Sunday evening service
5. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
6. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
7. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
8. Legacy, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 3, Issue 6
9. Oh Go Home, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 5, Issue 4
10. Falling In Love, Ligonier Tales
11. Junior High Girls, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
12. What Are You Talking About, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
13. Second Love, Ligonier Tales
14. The Vision by RC Sproul, Jr., Every Thought Captive, Vol 2 Issue 3
15. August 9 2005, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
16. Top Ten List, Every Thought Captive, Vol 9, Issue 5 (2005)
17. So You're Thinking About MovingHighlands Study Center
18. As retold by RC Sproul Jr. in a Feb '05 St. Peter Sunday evening service
19. My People, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
20. Phone Pimps Are Dogs, Highlands Study Center article
21. Son Of A Preacher Man, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
22. A Second Love, Ligonier Tales
23. Cartularium, Windham's "collection of news and other vital documents"
24. Skirting The Issues, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 6, Issue 1
25. Open Letter, Every Thought Captive, Vol 4, Issue 1 (2000)
26. Skirting The Issues, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 6, Issue 1
27. Smoke 'Em if You Got 'Em, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 3, Issue 1

If you've got any memorable RC and Laurence quotes (include citations), send them to:


Labels: , , ,

Monday, October 02, 2006

RC Sproul Jr's Ligonier Tales, Back By Popular Demand

RC Sproul Jr's Ligonier Tales
"It was once my habit in this space to devote some prose to the glories of nostalgia. That habit happily evolved into the Ligonier Tales, a venue I pray I’ll soon get back to. A recent trip back to Ligonier has reignited that fire, but alas, it’s not time yet to go back with my keyboard. But nostalgia is still now in my sights… We are tapping into a homesickness for when we truly were young, for Eden." RC Sproul Jr, Old Men Dancing

For RC Sproul Jr "the glories of nostalgia" and "Eden" is largely about raging hormones, chasing girls and drinking binges. RC Sproul Jr has memorialized his nostalia for the whole world to see in "Ligonier Tales," a seedy and shameless walk down RC Jr's debauched memory lane.
RC Sproul Jr grew up in Ligonier, Pennsylvania, which is also the name from which his father's Ligonier Ministries came from.
It's hard to understand what RC Sproul Jr was thinking when he posted this trashy "novella" on his "ministry" web site, the Highlands Study Center. Some things are just better left in the past. But not RC Jr. No, he seems real proud of his depraved past, and in no way repentant about it either.
Here's a review of Ligonier Tales from "Dabney." The only problem with his review is that it's a little dated since he refers to RC Sproul Jr as "an ordained Presbyterian Pastor." RC Sproul Jr managed to get himself defrocked in January 2006:
The other day I read the Words Of Wit With RC Sproul Jr page at Drinking With RC Sproul Jr. It’s hard to believe that a gospel preacher would actually say that kind of claptrap and then be proud enough about it to publish it for the whole world to see. One of the things quoted from at that site is RC Jr’s Ligonier Tales, a shabby piece of trashy dime store drivel.
As repulsive and degrading as I found the whole process to be, I went to the Highlands Study Center web site and read every one of the eleven chapters of RC’s “novella,” Ligonier Tales (yes, I do deserve the Purple Heart). I don’t recommend that anyone do this right after eating. In fact I don’t recommend you do it on an empty stomach even after taking Dramamine. Why an ordained Presbyterian Pastor would publish such twaddle on his ministry’s web site for the whole world to see is sure beyond me. He ought to be ashamed, but obviously he’s not.
A lot of us grew up doing things that we’re plenty embarrassed about. But most of us have got enough horse sense to not talk or write novellas about it. Maybe what RC Sproul Jr. is trying to tell us all is that just because he’s the son of a famous theologian he didn’t grow up any different than any of the rest of us. But if that’s what he’s trying to say, he could do it without giving everyone the lurid details. RC Jr’s communicating a lot more with his trashy novella than “I’m nothing special, I’m just like all the rest of you.” Anyone who grew up acting as foolishly as RC Jr did ought to be embarrassed enough about it to not memorialize it for the whole world to see. A son who cares to keep the fifth commandment ought to know that publishing his spectacular adolescent moral failures could in no way help his father’s reputation. Not RC Jr! Indeed, all RC Jr is effectively doing is saying, “My dad was a failure as a father.” He even seems to be real proud of his foolish adolescent years. Nowhere does he express any regret, remorse or sense that he has anything to apologize for. If anything he seems to look back with fondness on those good ‘ol days.
In Ligonier Tales RC fancies himself as a rough and tumble hard-drinkin’ beer-guzzlin’ jock, and a regular Casanova ladies-man. My impression about RC from reading Ligonier Tales is that he was horribly insecure and was constantly seeking attention and trying to impress his peers. Not one word is ever mentioned about trying to please or impress his parents or be an obedient son. In fact hardly a mention is made of his parents, other than the fact that they referred to RC Jr as “Precious.” I’ve heard said that RC Sproul Jr is referred to by family by the pet name “Precious” to this day.
His novella ends in an anticlimactic fast-forward a couple decades “here I am today a happily married-with-kids successful preacher-man” non-ending. No lessons are taught, no lessons are learned, no value or benefit of any kind is conveyed by the writer to the reader for expending the time to peruse this literary swill. Reading RC Jr’s novella is much like sitting down to watch a bad movie that a friend told you is actually a good movie. You sit there minute after minute thinking, “At some point it’s gonna get good.” But it never does, and you’ve just wasted your evening. You feel cheated. That’s how it feels to read Ligonier Tales. You can easily reckon that the only reason RC Sproul Jr. wrote it is to cover for some deep seated insecurities. Maybe he wrote it as a personal catharsis, but that doesn’t mean he’s got to punish the rest of us with it.
The part that I kept waiting to read was the part where he talks about his mom and dad — the part where he honors his parents — the part where he obeys the fifth commandment. It never comes. RC’s entire novella is the biggest piece of self-obsessed bilge I’ve ever read. It’s only redeeming quality? It’s short enough that the nausea doesn’t last very long.
Before immersing yourself in Ligonier Tales we recommend that you get yourself good and liquored up, unless liquor makes you nauseated. In that case take some Dramamine instead.
The index page of Ligonier Tales begins here.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

RC Sproul, Do Lawsuits Run In the Family?

RC Sproul Ligonier Ministries lawsuit
Up until recently a lot of people, myself included, didn't want to believe that RC Sproul Jr was the product of some very bad upbringing. Everyone's seen a few Prodigal Son situations, young men who grew up in good Christian homes but who turned out to be bad men.

When RC Jr managed to get himself defrocked I took pity on his dad and mom over their humiliation. It's got to be embarrassing having your own son ruin the family name.

RC Sproul should have called his son to public repentance. But no! He did just the opposite. RC Sproul publicly repudiated his son's defrocking, calling the charges "fraudulent." You can't do something like that without also bashing the denomination that defrocked him, as well as bashing the witnesses that brought testimony against him. That spectacle caused me to start wondering if my assumptions about RC Sproul weren't false.

Of course no one can blame RC Sproul for the way that Tim Dick turned out, and he probably didn't pick the guy for a son in law either. But his daughter Sherrie did, so that obviously begs another question.

RC Sproul did however pick Tim Dick as Ligonier's President, and that clearly is his fault. What were you thinking Dr. Sproul? What are you thinking now that Tim Dick is rapidly ruining your ministry? Why do you insist on keeping a clown like Tim Dick on even after everything he's done? Frank Vance seems to think that Tim Dick is the problem, but after everything I've observed I have to disagree with Frank. I think that RC himself is the problem.

Being the great Bible expositor that RC Sproul is I'd always assumed that he'd exposited the Word to his own children and been a good example to them. Now with Sproul's Ligonier Ministries lawsuit against Christian blogger Frank Vance I'm more than just having second thoughts, I'm convinced that RC Jr must have been the product of a bad upbringing.

Of course this is all now making me wonder if I'm next. Will RC Sproul Jr now be suing me too? Like father like son? If he does sue I wonder will he do it the same way that Tim Dick did it to Frank Vance and not even have the courtesy of sending me an email to let me know about it? Like Ligonier Ministries like Highlands Study Center?

Obviously RC Sproul isn't at all interested in obeying the Bible that he claims to believe, and we already know RC Jr is of the same persuasion, so it's more than just possible that RC Sproul Jr will sue me.

I just hope that all those pro bono First Amendment attorneys will leap to my aid the way they have for Frank Vance.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Another Sproul Family Scandal

Tim Dick Ligonier MinistriesOn August 25 I received an email from Ligonier Ministries CEO Tim Dick. All it said was:
From: Tim Dick Mailed-By:
Date: Aug 25, 2006 11:46 PM

You my friend are sick, seek help, we will pray for you.

Tim Dick

I responded with:
From: R.C. 2.0 Mailed-By:
To: Tim Dick
Date: Aug 27, 2006 10:44 PM
Subject: Re: You my friend are sick, seek help, we will pray for you.

Mr. Tim Dick as in the CEO of Ligonier Ministries?

Wow! What an honor! What brings you to my little corner of blogdom?

I saw some of your communications with Frank Vance. Pretty wild stuff there Tim! And you call me the sick one? How did you ever manage snagging the CEO slot at Ligonier?

RC Sproul Tim Dick Ligonier MinistriesYou'd think that Tim Dick would have learned his lesson after everything that's happened to him over picking a fight with Frank Vance. Now the guy's trying to provoke me too? Not one single time have I mentioned the name "Tim Dick" on my blog. So what's his interest in provoking a fight with me now?

Frank Vance has said that Tim Dick is a paranoid moron and obviously doesn't have enough going on to keep himself busy as CEO of Ligonier. The guy is pulling down a monstrous salary ($250,000/yr) but instead of working for his huge donor-supported salary he spends his days posting weird comments on numerous blogs and insulting people via email who've never even mentioned him.

Well now it looks like Frank is going to keep Tim's hands full for awhile, which I really appreciate, because I don't particularly want to waste my time on the guy. But I will repost part of something that Frank just put up today because it's in the public interest to know, and we're all about fulfilling the public's right to know.

Another Sproul family scandal has just surfaced. Thankfully this Sproul scandal doesn't involve RC Sproul Jr (whew!). We were ready for a change of pace anyway. Variety is the spice of life, and if it involves the dysfunctional Sproul family it's bound to get spicy.

Ryan Sproul Dick Ligonier MinistriesThis latest Sproul scandal involves RC Sproul Sr's son-in-law and CEO/President of Ligonier Ministries, Tim Dick. Tim Dick also happens to be the father of Ryan Sproul-Dick (aka "Partyboy"), the "Heir of Ligonier Ministries." Partyboy is also Ligonier Ministries' conference coordinator.

It's being alleged that two years ago Tim Dick ripped off Dr. Don Kistler in Ligonier's "acquisition" of Soli Deo Gloria Ministries. Apparently Tim Dick switched out the contracts at the last minute.
On 22 September 2004 Ligonier Ministries, the ministry of Reformed theologian Dr. RC Sproul acquired Soli Deo Gloria Ministries, the ministry of Dr. Donald Kistler. Soli Deo Gloria was a 501(c)(3) charitable organization, as was and is Ligonier Ministries. As such Soli Deo Gloria was "acquired," not purchased. *

Of the acquisition Dr. Kistler originally stated, "I cut my teeth on the Puritans studying under Dr. R.C. Sproul, and to work under him is a dream come true. I look forward to many years of fruitful ministry together, exposing people to the holy God the Puritans knew and served." However Dr. Kistler's "dream come true" soon proved to be a nightmare.

What few if any people knew at the time, and what Don Kistler certainly didn't realize at the time, is that Ligonier President Tim Dick had perpetrated a grand fraud. The fraud against Dr. Kistler is of such an ugly and shameful nature that of the small number of people that have since discovered it no one has been willing in the two ensuing years to confront it, let alone expose it. Allowing two years to lapse hasn't improved upon Dr. Kistler's prospects for recovering what was stolen from him, quite the opposite.

Dr. Kistler's ministry was stolen from him by, quite literally, nothing more than a cheesy sleight of hand trick. After weeks of contract negotiations a final version of the contract was agreed upon by all parties. However, when it came time for the signing of the final contract, unbeknownst to Don Kislter, Tim Dick secretly switched contracts. The textual difference in that switched contract was small enough to have easily escaped the notice of everyone, yet the implications for Don Kisler were immense.

Contained in the mutually approved contract was a reversionary clause, meaning that at any time Don Kistler could exercise his right to reclaim full control of his ministry, with or without cause, and with no penalty or cost to himself. In the contract that Tim Dick surreptitiously switched at the signing ceremony that clause had been removed. The practical effect of Tim Dick's fraud meant that Dr. Kistler had his ministry stolen from him.

For the complete story see Ligonier Ministries Defrauds Soli Deo Gloria Ministries In "Acquisition"

This is one wickedugly story. If RC Sproul manages this scandal anything like the way that he attempted to "clear RC Sproul Jr's name" don't count on anyone repenting. All we're likely to hear is a bunch of lies and lame excuses.

UPDATE: Some new photos of Timothy A. Dick, or rather, "mugshots" courtesy of Seminole County, Florida law enforcement from his criminal activities and two separate arrest incidents. Charges include:
  • Burglary
  • Aggravated Assault with a weapon
  • Criminal Mischief
  • Stalking