Sunday, September 20, 2015

R.C. Sproul Jr's Ashley Madison Scandal

R.C. Sproul Jr's confession to "visiting" the affair web site Ashley Madison has been widely reported, both in the mainline news media and by bloggers. Once again R.C. Sproul Jr has brought great shame to the body of Christ, giving cause for unbelievers to mock the name of our Lord, along with the conservative family values he espouses.

For his Ashley Madison "visit" Ligonier Ministries suspended R.C. Sproul Jr until July 2016. As of this date R.C. Sproul Jr. is still listed on staff as a Pastor of Ascension Presbyterian Church in Longwood, Florida. Some have openly questioned whether Sproul's Ligonier Ministries suspension was too severe a punishment for what, on the surface appears to be, a rather harmless action. This article will prove just the opposite is the case.

R.C. Sproul Jr, the savant of spin, has long been a careful observer and pundit of political strategists. He well knows of Lanny Davis, special counsel to President Clinton, who counseled the President and White House staffers, "Tell it all, tell it early, tell it yourself." With his imminent outing in the Ashley Madison hack R.C. Sproul Jr. appreciated the wisdom of "tell it early, tell it yourself." In outing himself he was able to control the story and limit the extent of the damage (Josh Duggar could have learned something from Sproul). Unfortunately, Sproul fell far short of "tell it all."

It was right that Ligonier Ministries suspended R.C. Sproul Jr for a year. However, as this article will explain, his "suspension" hardly qualifies as punishment, and his "confession" is a sham intended to garner sympathy, and even admiration, by feigning humble contrition. R.C. Sproul Jr has spun his Ashley Madison scandal very much like he did when he was defrocked from the ministry in 2006. He has yet once again put the best possible face on a scandal of his own making, even turning it to his own advantage.

The last thing the church needs is another spinmeister. In coming weeks and months we're likely to hear of other pastors and ministers, and perhaps hundreds of them, whose names will come out for having Ashley Madison accounts. My fear is that they'll follow R.C. Sproul Jr's example of faux repentance, garnering sympathy and even admiration they in no way merit, and offering themselves up for a golden parachute "suspension."

Contrary to the opinions expressed by many, R.C. Sproul Jr's example is anything but laudable. Let's start by taking a look at a portion of R.C. Sproul Jr's Ashley Madison confession:

"In August 2014, in a moment of weakness, pain, and from an unhealthy curiosity, I visited Ashley Madison. My goal was not to gather research for critical commentary, but to fan the flames of my imagination. There I found two gracious judgments. First, I felt the grace of fear. Second, I felt the grace of shame. I was there long enough to leave an old email address. And within minutes I left, never to return. I did not sign up for their service or interact with any clients. I have always remained faithful to my wife even after her passing."

This language is remarkably similar to the faux repentance and saccharine religious rhetoric he used to announce his defrocking in 2006. In almost 10 years nothing has changed, and just like in 2006 he seeks to diminish the seriousness of his sin with terms like, "unhealthy curiosity." Why not just call it what it is? Lust. What better way to pursue one's lust than through the privacy of the internet? According to porn watchdog organization Covenant Eyes, 50 percent of Christian men and 20 percent of Christian women admit they're addicted to porn. The figure for pastors is no better. Not all porn addicts go on to arrange affairs, but porn can serve as a gateway to it, as even Josh Duggar confessed is true of himself. So based on statistical probabilities R.C. Sproul Jr has a 50% likelihood of being a porn addict.

Porn is a huge problem in the church and growing worse. However, what far fewer Christians struggle with (I trust) is being compelled to take actions which will lead them headlong into an affair. R.C. Sproul Jr's actions on the Ashley Madison site clearly demonstrate that he intended to arrange an affair. Apparently he stopped just short of finalizing a rendezvous. However, his intentions, and taking the first steps in acting on those intentions, should be of far greater concern to the church than many bloggers have demonstrated thus far. If they're so willing to give Sproul a pass than where will they draw the line with the many other pastors who are likely to also be outed in coming months?

Contrary to the opinions of many Christian bloggers who have covered this story, an "affair" is not limited to cheating on one's spouse. Unattached single people also have affairs. An affair is properly defined as, "A secret sexual relationship between two people, generally of a short term nature." Ashley Madison advertises itself as "the number one service for people seeking discreet relationships" and they arrange affairs for marrieds, singles, and gays. Given that His wife passed away in 2011, no one would have faulted R.C. Sproul Jr had he registerred for a Christian dating site account like eHarmony or Christian Mingle. But Ashley Madison isn't a dating site. It's an "affair" site and no one could fail to miss that. 

For the most part R.C. Sproul Jr's "confession" has been accepted, at least by Christians, with nary a doubt as to his sincerity and honesty. Indeed, many have commented that his confession was humble, contrite, thorough, and even admirable. Such a response only demonstrates remarkable naiveté. With very little effort R.C. Sproul Jr's story comes crashing down like a house of straw.

That's "registered an Ashely Madison account" not "visited"
Let's start with, "I visited Ashley Madison... I was there long enough to leave an old email address. And within minutes I left..." The fact of the matter is that R.C. Sproul Jr left far more than "an old email address." He did not just "visit." One cannot leave an email address with Ashley Madison without registering an account. R.C. Sproul Jr very cunningly and deceptively substituted the innocent and benign "visited" for the far more egregious "registered." Why does this distinction matter? Let's start the process of registering an Ashley Madison account to find out.

The Ashley Madison homepage presents "visitors" with a "Select" list. If you never go beyond the Ashley Madison home page it would be reasonable to say you only "visited." If you go beyond this point you are "registering for an Ashley Madison account":

To get beyond this page you must select a "relationship status." One would presume that R.C. Sproul Jr selected "Single Male seeking Females." This is where many bloggers and blog commenters have gotten themselves confused. They believe that Ashley Madison is only for married people seeking to cheat on their spouses. RC Jr isn't married (his wife passed away in 2011) so, therefore, no harm no foul. Right? Wrong. Ashley Madison is for everyone, married, single, and even gay. The objective is to "have an affair" and single people have affairs too, whether they're attached or not. Furthermore, the probability is high that any women R.C. Sproul Jr would have rendezvoused with through Ashley Madison would have been married. By registering for an Ashley Madison account he was giving a green light for married women to break their marriage vows. So much for his commitment to "family values."

Once you select an item from the list you're taken to the next page where you're presented with the following list to fill in and items to select. This is where R.C. Sproul Jr gave Ashley Madison his email address, as well as additional information.

Immediately below the "I Agree" button it states: "To help you have a successful affair, Ashley Madison and its affiliated entities will periodically notify you of potential matches in your area, new matches you've received, changes to the service and other services that may be of interest to you." How would Ashley Madison contact R.C. Sproul Jr to notify him of "potential matches" to "have a successful affair"? Through the email address that he registered his account with.

Perhaps the most disturbing selection field is affair "Limits":

Like every other field on the page "Limits" isn't an optional item. You have to select one of the above, as well as fill in all the other fields, in order to select "I Agree" and have your information saved to register your Ashley Madison account. So which of the above affair "Limits" could R.C. Sproul Jr select and it not be highly problematic? That's right, none of the above. In the context of "Life is short, have an affair," they're all bad.

"I did not sign up for their service"
R.C. Sproul Jr claims "I did not sign up for their service." This is just more spin. R.C. Sproul Jr registered for an Ashely Madison account. He did far more than merely "visit" the site. In registering for an account he most certainly did "sign up for their service." What he apparently didn't do is give them a credit card and order something like the Ashley Madison "Affair Guarantee" package like Josh Duggar paid $249 for. The fact that he may not have given them a credit card doesn't in any way diminish the severity of his sin, particularly in light of his having to specify his affair "Limits."

"I only recently learned about" Ashley Madison
In a July 22, 2015 article entitled Hacking Ashley Madison, R.C. Sproul Jr stated:
"I hope, however, that my children still don’t know about Ashley Madison, a website that I only recently learned about."
In the context of his article, "recently" more than implies that R.C. Sproul Jr hadn't ever heard of Ashley Madison prior to the media publicity about their being hacked. Yet with his subsequent August 31 2015 "confession" it became clear that he'd not only known about Ashley Madison for at least a year, he'd even opened his own Ashley Madison account the previous year in August 2014. He stated:
“In August 2014, in a moment of weakness, pain, and from an unhealthy curiosity, I visited Ashley Madison.”  
Yet his August 31 2015 "confession" gave no explanation for this glaring disparity in his stories. Once again, R.C. Sproul Jr did not "confess it all," not even close.

In that same article he says of Ashley Madison,
"It is a website which exists to facilitate adultery." 
Yet, knowing that, he'd signed up for an account himself anyway. He goes on to say,
"They’re actually threatening that if Ashley Madison does not shut down they will publicly release all the names of those who have sought the services of Ashley Madison. I suspect that there are a lot of people privately sweating, 37 million of them, probably." 
He was among the 37 million sweating, losing sleep, stressed out. Like all the other 37 million Ashley Madison account holders R.C. Sproul Jr was asking himself, "What do I do?" He had to formulate a Plan A and a Plan B. Plan B was for the worst case scenario of the hackers releasing the files. No doubt he hoped the hackers wouldn't release the files, and that would be his Plan A, which was to forget all about it and do nothing. If the hackers hadn't ever released the files would R.C. Sproul Jr ever have confessed? No way! And this goes to prove the point that his "confession" was a sham. It was forced, and not by the conviction of the Holy Spirit working on his conscience. He "confessed" only because he knew that if he didn't out himself it was inevitable someone else would and the resulting damage would have been far worse.

"This, after all, is quite a moral train wreck."
On June 4, 2015 R.C. Sproul Jr posted an article on the sex scandals of Josh Duggar and Dennis Hastert. In it he stated:
"We, of all people should be the people quickest to repent, quickest to acknowledge our sins. We should be the ones saying, 'I am not holier than thou.' But we’re not. I wonder if perhaps we might silence our critics, if we might quit the baying of the wolves if we would instead regularly, fully, and fearlessly confess our sins."
One might suppose such an article came from a sincere heart. If it had been sincere Sproul would have promptly informed the church where he pastors, and Ligonier Ministries, that he'd registered an Ashley Madison account. But he didn't. Instead he only posted pious sounding articles about what a terrible thing it was that anyone could have an Ashley Madison account. When he ultimately did "confess" three months later his confession was anything but "fully and fearlessly." He only did so after it became publicly known that Ashley Madison's site had been hacked and that the database files containing the names, email addresses, etc., of all 37 million Ashley Madison account holders were publicly available. 

Only a few days prior to R.C. Sproul Jr outing himself he posted How Should We Respond to the Recent Scandal Regarding Josh Duggar?  He immediately responds to this reasonable question with:
"We shouldn’t. Sorry to burst the bubble, but unless you are his family, his employer, his elders or his church, it’s none of your business. I am none of those things. Yet I find myself reading about it, praying about it, thinking about it. I get that people are interested. This, after all, is quite a moral train wreck."
Bear in mind that R.C. Sproul Jr was defining Josh Duggar as a "moral train wreck" shortly after Duggar was outed for having 2 Ashley Madison accounts, but before it became known on August 26 that Duggar had used his Ashley Madison accounts to successfully arrange affairs, including an affair with stripper and porn whore Danica Dillon.

One might reasonably surmise from his August 25 article that R.C. Sproul Jr was dictating the terms for how Christians are permitted to respond when he, only a few days later, would out himself for his own Ashley Madison account. Rather than acknowledging that he too exhibits some signs of a moral train wreck, he very innocently chalks it up to an "unhealthy curiosity." So much for "fully, and fearlessly confess our sins." Clearly R.C. Sproul Jr had a serious moral conflict of interest and he had no right offering up any commentary on Josh Duggar, and particularly telling anyone else, "It's none of your business."

R.C. Sproul Jr Suspended
"I recently informed the board of Ligonier Ministries, which has handled the matter internally, having suspended me until July 1, 2016."
On the face of it, this would appear to be an appropriate disciplinary action for Ligonier Ministries to take. But hang on a minute! Is R.C. Sproul Jr's suspension from Ligonier Ministries really discipline? Only if he were to have been suspended without pay. That would indeed be a punishment. However, from all accounts R.C. Sproul Jr has been suspended with pay. If this is true then it's no better than what often happens when a bad cop is suspended over charges of police brutality. Suspending a bad cop with pay is like rewarding him for bad behavior. It's a paid vacation, and it only reinforces the public perception of police corruption. That's apparently what's happened with R.C. Sproul Jr and it reflects very poorly on Ligonier Ministries.

In 2013 R.C. Sproul Jr received just over $120,000 in combined compensation from Ligonier Ministries and Reformation Bible College (his salaries in 2014 and 2015 are likely much higher). This means that R.C. Sproul Jr is receiving at least $10,000 a month for the next year to stay home and do nothing. R.C. Sproul Jr's "suspension" is a golden parachute -- a one-year paid vacation at the expense of Ligonier Ministries' donors. Ligonier donors should be outraged. They probably would be if they knew, but Ligonier has done nothing to inform their donors of the suspension, let alone that R.C. Sproul Jr has been suspended with pay. If you search Ligonier's web site you'll not find one mention of it. For all practical purposes R.C. Sproul Jr. is being rewarded for his sin and his sham confession. This is similar to how Ligonier Ministries rewarded R.C. Sproul Jr in 2006 after he'd been defrocked as a pastor by his Presbyterian denomination.

In his July 22 article R.C. Sproul Jr stated:
"The irony of the gospel is that our sins are only covered in so far as we expose them. In order for them to be covered by the blood of Christ, they have to be confessed by the ones committing the sin."  
To "confess" means "to come into complete agreement with." As it concerns R.C. Sproul Jr's Ashley Madison scandal his confession is not in agreement with the facts. He's concealed far more than he's revealed, and he's even contradicted himself. As can be seen in this article R.C. Sproul Jr has only confessed in part and lied about the rest.

I hope for his sake RC Jr's sins are covered by the blood of the lamb. But according to his own doctrine of how we receive the remission of our sins, these particular sins of his are not under the blood.

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Thursday, October 12, 2006

Drinking With R.C. Sproul, Jr.

"We're Presbyterians so we smoke and drink!"
R.C. Sproul, Jr.

Drinking with RC Sproul Jr

"There's nothing worse than an introspective drunk. Gratefully, R.C. Sproul, Jr. isn't at all introspective."

Thomas Sharpe

Ecclesia Intoxicata, Semper Intoxicatum

RC Sproul Jr. is the defrocked Pastor and head brewmeister of Saint Peter Presbyterian Church in Bristol, Virginia and Mendota, Virginia. His Mendota Pale Ale is just awesome!

RC Sproul Jr in kilt with traditional Scottish beverages

RC Sproul Jr. is also the President, CEO, VP of Marketing, and Chief of Fundraising of the Highlands Study Center.

Most people only know of RC Sproul Jr. because he's the namesake of a famous, highly respected, and very intelligent theologian. But some of us actually know RC Sproul, Jr. up close and personal. We call him "RC 2.0" or just plain, "Junior."

Drinking With Calvin and Luther
One of the most important things to know about RC Sproul Jr. is that he likes to party, and he's mighty proud of it!

R.C. Sproul Jr.'s favorite book is Jim West's Drinking With Calvin and Luther. In fact R.C. wrote the Forward for the book. If you're lookin' for a partyin' church, Saint Peter Presbyterian Church is the place for you! We may not be able to actually drink with Calvin and Luther, but we sure do drink with RC!

Beer -- it's not just for breakfast anymore!

R.C. often reminds us in his sermons that, "We're Presbyterians, so we smoke and we drink!" Waaahoo RC! Let's party! Party on RC!

A lot of us never got to go to a kegger when we were in college (bummer). But now we get to have keggers at church! Yaaahoo! Koinonia Kegger!

R.C.'s got a reputation for being kind of anti-social. But it's pretty amazing what some liquor does for his disposition. When R.C.'s not drinkin' he can get pretty grouchy. When he does drink he can actually get sort of friendly, sort of like a pastor would be friendly. Some of us would just as soon he drink.

And drink he does! Here's an actual picture of R.C.'s beer cellar and brewery. Woohoo! Let's get to drinkin'! No, those empties there in front of the bathtub aren't being saved to return to the store (Virginia doesn't have a deposit law). They're waiting to be refilled with R.C.'s homebrew. The stove is used in the brewing process and apparently the bathtub has something to do with brewing process too! Um, yummy!

RC Sproul Jr's brewery

Back by popular demand its Ligonier Tales!

RC Sproul Jr's Ligonier Tales

Some thought it was just satire when we long ago dubbed the Highlands Study Center Basement Tapes "The Boozement Tapes." It's no joke though, and the label has caught on. Check out the video below that "Fled Mendota" posted on You Tube.  

Beer helping RC Sproul Jr to danceLinks and fun drinking facts with RC Sproul Jr:

Words Of Wit from defrocked Pastor R.C. Sproul, Jr. and defrocked Pastor and Court Jester Laurence Windham.

RC Sproul Jr. is the founder of the Highlands Study Center. The Highlands Study Center publishes Every Thought Captive. Aside from that we're not really sure what the Highlands Study Center does. The Highlands Study Center does throw some wicked, er, righteous parties though, including open bars at the pastor's camps! Party on RC!

Become a member of St. Peter Presbyterian Church and you too can become the proud owner of your very own "Heroes Of the Faith" pillows.

RC Sproul Jr. shares his awesome collection of home brew beer bottle labels.

Church News Today interviews R.C. Sproul, Jr. on his time of medication, er, meditation (12-30-05).

RC Sproul Jr. announces the start of "Beer Church." Ordinations now available (act fast). Basement Tapes changed to "Boozement Tapes."

Don't tell RC that he drinks too much or you might cause him to "stumble." He probably didn't mean any pun by that, but it's still really funny, especially since he thinks he "drinks in moderation."

Atty. Gen. Lockyer and others urge R.C. Sproul, Jr. to stop mailing out drink recipes.

L' Enfant Terrible announces the itinerary of the Pastor's Camp at the Highlands Study Center. Some very interesting comments here by previous St. Peter visitors, and lots of astonishing admissions by St. Peter members.

Some people think that Saint Peter Presbyterian Church is a cult, and that RC Sproul Jr is some kind of Presby-Pope. But that's just because we practice shunning (and then there's that pillow shrine thing). We especially shun people who don't like to party with us, or if they challenge any of our doctrines, like "presumptive regeneration."

The Austin family posts another update (1-18-06), Part Ten, The Body of Christ, and the Lies of Sessions. Those Austins are so unrealistic! After all, didn't RC Spoul Jr and the St. Peter Presbyterian Church Session "repent" in writing? Well, anyway, they sure used the word "repent" a lot in their letter. But nooooo! That's not good enough for the Austins. Well, sure, RC Sproul Jr and his Session did have all kinds of excuses, and they even blamed the Austins in their letter of "repentance." But sheesh! It's like the Austins expect real repentance or something. It's like they expect the kind of repentance where RC Sproul Jr and his Saint Peter Session actually has to stop sinning against them. It's like the Austins expect pastors to act like, well, pastors or something. Some people are just so picky these days! The Austins act like they think the Bible is inerrant, and that it's actually supposed to be interpreted literally or something. The nerve of some people!

Alcohol, Legalism and Weaker Brothers, is Dabitur's response to Julie Austin's Parenting With Purpose humorous article, You Must Drink! St. Peter Presbyterian Church member, Jim, responds to Dabitur (see comments #9425 and following) to fill him in about party-master R.C. Sproul, Jr.

Dabitur's blog article, How NOT To Apologize is a very humorous response to the St. Peter Presbyterian Church session's letter of "repentance" to John and Julie Austin.

L' Enfant Terrible Blog, Contumacy Is The New Black. The terrible infant compares the tyrannies perpetrated by R.C. Sproul, Jr. at St. Peter Presbyterian Church at Bristol and Mendota, Virginia to the ecclesiastical tyrannies perpetrated in the infamous Westminster Presbyterian Church in Tyler, Texas.

Brian Carpenter's blog article, Ecclesiastical Tyranny is insightful. Brian Carpenter knows first hand about ecclesiastical tyranny. Brian is a former member of the Rivendell community, and was excommunicated from the Covenant Church Of Willis as part of that "Christian covenant community" disaster. Brian's excommunication was later overturned on appeal by the Federation Of Reformed Churches (FORC). R.C. Sproul, Jr. served as defense counsel for several defendants in that church trial. By some accounts R.C.'s defense was pretty lame. RC got to witness ecclesiastical tyranny in action first hand. Since then he's apparently decided that he wants in on the action too. Despotism is contagious!

Former Saint Peter Presbyterian Church member Peter Kershaw posts a disclaimer page about RC Sproul Jr. on his ministry's web site. Peter is the guy that wrote letters to RC Sproul Jr confronting his ecclesiastical tyrannies against the Austins. Apparently there's a bunch of other things too that he's called them to task for with the RPCGA, but Peter says he's not talking about that other stuff with anybody but the Presbytery... yet.

Former Saint Peter Presbyterian Church member Michael Branson issues an Open Letter and a call to repentance to his former pastor and "mentor," RC Sproul, Jr.

Dennis Cochran says: "It's only right for people to be told. The SPPC false shepherds continue in their flagrant rebellion against God. Let their deeds of darkness be exposed and the saints be warned - Dennis." On 02-13-06 former St. Peter Presbyterian Church attendee Dennis Cochran publicly released his letter to the RPCGA about the St. Peter bullies. Dennis' letter contains some startling revelations, including the fact that RC Sproul Jr. took a gun into a public restaurant for a meeting with Dennis, just in case: RC Sproul Jr's Bizarre Pastoral Style

RC Sproul Jr. and Saint Peter Session Defrocked

On January 26, 2006 the Westminster Presbytery of the Reformed Presbyterian Church General Assembly deposed RC Sproul Jr, Laurence Windham, Jay Barfield and Wayne Hays from the Office of Elders at Saint Peter Presbyterian Church. Not that a trivial little thing like being defrocked is about to stop RC Sproul Jr though! Two days later he just had his congregation vote him and his three defrocked buddies right back in again as pretend-Elders of St. Peter
PresbyterianCongregational Church. Human Events: R.C. Sproul, Jr. Defrocked
Pearcey Report: R.C. Sproul, Jr. Defrocked
Pearcey Report: Statement From the Highlands Study Center
R.C. Sproul Jr. defrocked
R.C. Sproul Jr. defrocking documents

The RC Sproul Jr Defrocking Aftermath

RC Sproul Jr pulls a Jimmy Swaggart.
RC Sproul Jr addresses rumors of moving St. Peter church to Guyana.
"RC Sproul Jr Speaks On 'Honor'. You've Gotta Be Kidding!"
"I just got defrocked. Please send money."
March/April 2006 ETC Top Ten List. Once again, RC Sproul Jr "honors" his father with this: "Dr. Sproul, in the context of child rearing, what in the world were you thinking?"

Duplicitous Douglas Wilson and the RC Sproul Jr Connection

Doug Wilson CREC
A lot of folks have speculated that RC Sproul Jr wouldn't stick around to go to trial with the Reformed Presbyterian Church General Assembly, and that he'd jump ship and take Saint Peter Presbyterian Church into the CREC. It looks like the RPCGA isn't just a bunch of bumpkins that just fell off the turnip truck. They didn't even give RC Sproul Jr an opportunity to thumb his nose at them. They beat RC to the punch and defrocked him. Now that RC's been defrocked it's unlikely any real denomination would re-ordain him. So obviously that wouldn't apply to Douglas Wilson's phony denomination, er, "confederation," the Confederation of Reformed Evangelical Churches.

The CREC will take just about anyone, and they'll ordain anyone, as long as they've got a pulse and some brainwaves. Heck, they took Douglas Wilson! "Hey buddy, have you just been defrocked over something real serious that your Presbytery found out about? Maybe something serious enough that you could wind up in jail over it (say like EIN fraud, identity theft and perjury)? No problemo. You're always welcome in the one denomination, er, confederation, where there's really no standards at all. Now let's check that pulse." Doug Wilson would never let minor issues like tax fraud stand in the way of being accepted into the CRE. That's because Doug Duplicitous Wilson plays fast and loose with the tax code himself! Doug Wilson arranged for his church to approve a monthly ministerial "housing allowance" to his son-in-law, Ben Merkle, who was not, and still is not, an officer of Christ Church.

Our sources have confirmed that there's a conspiracy afoot between Doug Wilson and RC Sproul Jr. to defy the Declaratory Judgment of the RPCGA, which declared Sproul unfit to be an Elder. Duplicitous Doug's plan is to ordain the defrocked Sproul in the CREC anyway, but in order to make it look like some kind of legitimate act they'll need to convene some sort of church tribunal to review the RPCGA's judgment and poke holes in it. If it happens no one would be particularly surprised. They've done it before. In fact, the CREC has ordained a number of men that had been defrocked by Presbyterian denominations. Perhaps CREC actually stands for "Confederation of Reject Evangelical Clergy." Duplicitous Doug is a law unto himself, and he has no respect for any other authority than himself. Come to think of it, RC Sproul Jr. is a law unto himself too! In theological terms they're autonomists. Maybe CREC should be changed to CREA -- Confederation of Reformed Evangelical Autonomists.

If RC Sproul Jr goes through with taking Saint Peter Presbyterian Church into the CREC, a lot of folks are gonna be real unhappy (what on earth would R.C. Sproul, Sr. think?), including all the Saint Peter members that RC Sproul Jr has told for years, "We can't be in the CRE. They're not Presbyterian. There's no real accountability. And they even accept Baptists!" If the CRE ordains RC Sproul Jr and his cadre of tyrants, after the RPCGA just defrocked them, it'll just prove what a phony denomination, er, "confederation" the CRE really is. Unfortunately, the poor members of Saint Peter church probably don't have any other options. RC Sproul Jr has so thoroughly stigmatized Saint Peter church that no real denomination would probably touch them.

On the other hand, probably a lot of people would be real happy to see RC Sproul Jr and Doug Wilson formally joined at the hip. Men of their character really deserve each other. There'd be great synergy. RC "We Drink" Sproul Jr in a denomination with a college that's known as the biggest party school in any Reformed denomination. The possibilities for RC are endless! Rather than just teaching brewing and beer sampling classes to a few Highlands Study Center students every once in a while, RC could be doing it every month at New Saint Andrews College. To quote President Roy Atwood, New St. Andrews is "the only wet campus on the Palouse!"

But what about all those poor Saint Peter people? If RC Sproul Jr could have almost gotten away with tyrannizing the Austin family the way he did in a real Presbyterian denomination, just imagine how many lives he'll be able to ruin in a phony denomination where "there's no real accountability."

Doug Wilson hasn't specifically named the Drinking With RC Sproul Jr web site in his blog, but it's a sure bet (pun intended) he knows about this site, and it's a sure bet ("I'll see you and raise $100") he doesn't like it. If Doug Pro-Gay Marriage Wilson doesn't like us we consider that a badge of honor. Duplicitous Doug has had more problems at Christ Church and New Saint Andrews College in Moscow Idaho than you can shake a crack pipe at. Casinos, drug dealers, wild drinking parties with psychedelic drugs and marijuana in "The Lounge" (euphemism for "Opium Den"), and the Elders' own kids are the ringleaders. You have to hand it to them though. Their daddies did learn-em to be entrepreneurs, and there's big money in gambling and drug dealing. Since Doug "Homosexuality Is Genetic" Wilson is guilty of embezzling his own church and using church money for secret payoffs, not to mention plagiarism, and he's got quite the reputation as an ecclesiastical tyrant, what else could anyone expect?

The latest scuttlebutt is that Ethan Atwood (son of Dr. Roy Atwood, President of New Saint Andrews College), having not been in any substantive way disciplined over the Morton Street Casino scandal, is giving some thought to opening a "Gentleman's Club." If that's true then we'll soon see applications being taken from among the NSA ladies student "body." Financial times have been tough for Ethan ever since his casino and bar got shut down, so he's probably looking for a new income stream. Ethan should have gone to jail, but Doug Wilson saw to it that it just got swept under the carpet. Wilson even stole $1,000.00 out of the Christ Church coffers as payoff money to keep "the house" (the canino's "banker") quiet. Ethan Atwood learned a valuable lesson -- crime pays, and it pays really well.

As a Pastor and an Elder, Duplicitous Doug Wilson sets the example for his church members, his college students, and his fellow Elders. Not only does Duplicitous Doug sweep criminal acts under the carpet, and rob his own church for payoff money, and protect Elders that the Bible requires be dismissed because they've abdicated their role as "federal head," and they're obviously incapable of being "One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity" (1Tim. 3:4), Doug Wilson also actively encourages the kids at NSA to wallow in the filth of worldly entertainments. So it shouldn't surprise anyone if Ethan Atwood goes through with starting a Gentleman's Club. For example, Doug Wilson writes: "The problem is not that we have too many Christians with a thorough-going Christian worldview watching godless movies. The problem is that we have too few." Gentleman's Club here we come! Shake that bootie, girls! (OK, so the Genlemen's Club is satire, but it's the only satire in this section. Everything else is completely factual; and considering all the other past and ongoing scandals out in Moscow, Idaho it's not at all far-fetched.)

Like his good buddie RC "We Drink" Sproul Jr, Doug "Own The Curse" Wilson sometimes says some good stuff, and often some really embarrassing stuff too. And just like RC "After You Figure Out How You're Being Stupid Just Repent" Sproul Jr, Doug Duplicitous Wilson doesn't practice what he preaches.

Here's something new from Doug Wilson's Blog and Mablog (note that Duplicitous Doug posted this on 1-30-06, but he makes no mention of the defrocking of RC Sproul Jr. which had occurred days before):
"A good example of this would be the recent flap surrounding R.C. Sproul, Jr. and the RPCGA. Everyone who is posting or running some variation of ought to withdraw their cyber-charges and privately offer any legitimate evidence they might have to the appropriate adjudicating bodies."
Doug, you're a genius! That's why you embezzle, er, get paid, the big bucks. What Doug Wilson is recommending is that if you know about any skeletons in his buddy RC Sproul Jr's closet you should rat him out to the RPCGA. Thanks Doug. With friends like you who needs enemies. Still, that's the most intelligent thing that's ever come out of your mouth. And while you're at it, if you know about any skeletons in Doug's closet (chortle, chortle) be sure you tell. . . umm, er, oh well. Never mind. Telling CREC Moderator Randy Booth about it would be a total waste of time (Randy Booth's son is one of the campus drug dealers). Like RC Jr says, "They're not Presbyterian. There's no real accountability." In Doug's case you probably oughta just call the cops.

RC's also referred to Doug Wilson as that guy who "wallows around in a pig sty," and "You don't have to wallow around in a pig sty to know that it stinks." At this point RC Jr's short-list is so short that the stench of Duplicitous Doug's pig sty is starting to smell pretty good.

CREC Convenes "Not Judicial In Nature" Commission

On March 14 CREC Moderator Randy Booth posted a statement on the CREC web site ( announcing the formation of a commission to provide "pastoral oversight" to Saint Peter Church. In his statement Mr. Booth says, "This Commission is not judicial in nature, but rather pastoral." When the CREC Moderator has to underline his statements, he's doing it for a very good reason, What he's trying to convey is, "Sure, we know our credibility is in the toilet. We know we've lied about a lot of stuff. We know we've exonerated other defrocked preachers by convening show trials and in the process we've trashed good denominations that had just cause for defrocking those men. But we've learned our lesson. This time you can really trust us. The serrated edge is in the sheath. This time we're going to do the honorable thing. This time when we call it a 'pastoral commission' it's because we're going to do something really unique for us. We're going to act like, well, pastors would act."
It takes as much gullibility to believe Doug Wilson as it does to believe the bureaucrat who shows up at your front door and says, "Hi, I'm from the government and I'm here to help you." Taking the imagery a step further, "You can trust me. I work for the government." Anyone who's been on the receiving end of Doug Wilson's serrated edge knows that the man can't be trusted, so when he, or one of his faithful lackeys says, "The CREC respects the judicial bounds of the RPCGA and intends to operate within those boundaries," and especially when he has to underline it, we can be pretty confident that they intend to sucker-punch the RPCGA and trash the witnesses that produced the evidence and testimony that resulted in the defrocking of the Saint Peter Four. In fact, Doug Wilson has been telegraphing that very message for weeks in his blog series, "A Justice Primer." It doesn't take a serrated edge to cut through the subterfuge and anticipate his agenda.

Karaoke Fun and Satire With RC Sproul, Jr.

Karaoke to The Boor Who Wound Up Defrocked
Check out also Hypocrites Now Defrocked.
Hotel Sproul and Windham
Sounds Of Spinning
Just Bash And Lie
Searching For A Sucker

Smells Like Cult Leader

RC Sproul Jr. Related Blogs and Web Sites:

Spinderella Sproul: Lessons In Spin With Spinmeister RC Sproul Jr.
From the Prairie
Two Talent Living
The Thinkery
Doctrine, Theology and All That Jazz
RC Sproul Jr blogger search

Douglas Wilson Related Blogs and Web Sites:

Articles and Web Sites on Ecclesiastical Tyrants, Abusive Churches, and Help for Battered Sheep

"For you bear with anyone if he enslaves you, if he devours you, if he takes advantage of you, if he exalts himself, if he hits you in the face." (2 Cor. 11:20)

RC Sproul Jr Kool-Aid
RC Sproul Jr Kool-Aid™
What To Do If You Find Yourself In a Spiritually Abusive Religious System
Profile of a Sociopath (or how to spot a cult leader)
Spiritual Abuse  
Cults and Spiritually Abusive Churches
How Can I Discern Whether I'm in a Healthy or Abusive Fellowship?
Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies?
What Language Does Your Church Speak? The Language of Abusive Churches and Groups, by Bill Newcomer
Abuse of Authority in the Church: A Biblical Perspective of Leadership, by Jason Young
Authoritarianism in The Church, by Steve Martin
Abusive Churches, by Pat Zukeran
Abusive Churches: Leaving Them Behind, by Pat Zukeran
Uncovering Churches That Abuse People, by Henry Sheppard
The Cult Church, by Marlene Jones Skurtu
Eight Distinctives Of An Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group
The Power Abusers, by Dr. Ron Enroth
Recovery From Spiritual Abuse, by Sharon Hilderbrandt
They Told Me That If I Left. . . by Ron Henzel
Abusive Churches; How To Recognize and Deal With Spiritual Abuse
Characteristics Of Abusive Churches, by Mark Hill
The Signs Of Authoritarian Abuse, by Steven Lambert

Exposing Ecclesiastical Wolves In Sheep's Clothing

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." (Matthew 7:15)

Books On Abusive Churches and Spiritual Abuse

Mothers Against Drunk Deacons
Because MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Deacons) keeps complaining to the ISP's (Inebriation Service Providers) about our site, sometimes they'll try and put a cork in our fun and kill the party. Not to worry. There's dozens and dozens of freebie hosting companies. It takes all of five minutes to set up a new one. How will you know where to find us? Simple. Just go to the Fun Drinking Site (be sure and bookmark that page) where we're pretty sure you'll always be able to find a link for this site. Those MADD crybabies might intimidate a lot of Inebriation Service Providers, but that doesn't mean they're about to keep us from having a good time! Party on!

Disclaimer: Some will cry, "Scandalous!" Some will cry, "Scurrilous!" And yet others will cry, "Slanderous!" But actually if this site can be labeled as anything at all, it's just "Satirical!" (and yet most of it is actually quite factual). So don't get your knickers all in a twist.
For the record the authors of this site aren't teetotalers nor do we have a problem with the moderate and responsible consumption of alcoholic beverages by adults of legal drinking age who are considerate toward others by not abusing and flaunting their Christian liberties. R.C. Sproul Jr's personal definitions of "responsible" and "moderate" and "considerate" and even "legal drinking age" differ dramatically from the common usage of those terms.

A Note Of Thanks

We wish to express our personal thanks and gratitude to all those who have helped to make this web site possible. Without all that "insider information" coming our way this site wouldn't have been possible. We especially want to thank those current St. Peter members who have given us all the inside scoop. It's hard for us to understand how you can stay there (a lot of people must still be too afraid to leave), when things are as bad as you tell us they are. But as long as you're there keep those cards and letters coming!

If you've got any party pics with RC, or any fun stories to share, send them to:
r.c.sproul2.0 at gmail (dot) com

Disclaimer: This site is part satire, but mostly factual. As with all satire, the satire on this site originates from actual incidents and statements made by the individuals named. The burden is on the reader to sort the facts from what has been embellished by satire. "The purpose of satire has been rightly stated as to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion and cosy half truth." 
Michael Flanders 

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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Words Of Wit With R.C. Sproul Jr.

RC Sproul Jr words of wit


Every church member should have things they can be proud of their pastor for having said. Here's some of our most memorable and touching

Words Of Wit from R.C. Sproul, Jr.

and his sage sidekick Laurence Windham, our [defrocked] pastors at St. Peter Presbyterian Church and the Highlands Study Center.

We wish to remind you that if it weren't for your generous financial support to the Highlands Study Center, it just wouldn't have been possible for our pastors to have published such inspirational comments like these:

RC Sproul Jr. on the importance of being introspective:
"I know me well enough to know that I could fall off some theological deep end, and maybe take some poor souls with me."1

RC Sproul Jr. on the theology of beer:
"One of my favorite intellectual debates centers around this question - is bad beer better than no beer? A corollary is this, Is free bad beer better than good beer?"2

"I managed to stay clear of beer, until the next time I had an opportunity to consume some."3

"In most churches when they say, 'Hide the beer, the pastor's here!", they mean it one way. But here at St. Peter we mean it an entirely different way."4 

RC Sproul Jr. on chugging beer:
"I learned that alcohol is a powerful social lubricant, so much so that high schoolers who normally wouldn't give 13 year old Jim and me the time of day, were more than willing to adopt us as mascots, and to pour beer down our throats for entertainment. I learned that perhaps the greatest sport a jock might aspire to was chugging beer. And I learned that I was pretty good at it."5

RC Sproul Jr. on symbols of brotherhood:
"Now I was drunk enough that drinking together was a delightful symbol of brotherhood. Urinating together as well was a delightful symbol of brotherhood."6 

RC Sproul Jr on alcohol and sexual prowess:
"Around that keg we were taught the TKE fight song, which celebrated first the capacity to consume great quantities of alcohol, and second, sexual prowess. I still remember the chant to this day."7 

RC Sproul Jr. on the birth of his son:
"I always knew that if God should bless me with a son that he would be the walking whiskey bottle, RC the Fifth."8

RC Sproul Jr prairie muffin
RC Sproul Jr. on his agrarian vision:
"In short, we're a hardy band of prairie muffins, but of the Scottish variety."9


RC Sproul Jr. on having his "colors done":
"I don’t remember what I ended up being, but I remember what I was rooting for. In this system your 'color' comes out as a season. Some people are winters, some springs, and some summers. I knew however, that whatever the cloth said, I was a fall."10

RC Sproul Jr. on being foolish, immature and effeminate:
"Try as we might to mature and to grow beyond this peculiar brand of foolishness, I'm afraid that at heart we are still junior high girls."
RC Sproul Jr on why woman can't blog
RC Sproul Jr. on why women shouldn't be permitted to blog or have web sites:
"People are teaching who shouldn't be teaching. And people are learning where they ought not to be learning. A husband who loses his wife to a hook-up with some internet Lothario is probably better off than one who returns from work to find his wife safely at home, but having been seduced into Rome by some charming blogger."12

RC Sproul Jr. on virility and testosterone:
"My hormones went on hiatus once again, until reawakened in the fifth grade."13

RC Sproul Jr cult leader drinking the Kook-Aid
RC Sproul Jr. on drinking the Kook-Aid and being a cult leader:14
"It's not surprising that some might be afraid to drink the kool-aid here."

"For some time now there have been some inside and outside the church who have either insinuated or said outright that Saint Peter Presbyterian Church is a cult." 15
Top Ten Reasons To Join Saint Peter Presbyterian Church in the Summer:
#1. The Kool-Aid tastes better warm.16

RC Sproul Jr. on moving to St. Peter Presbyterian Church:
Question: "Will I have to eat grits?"
Answer: "It's either that, or the kool-aid."17

RC Sproul Jr as Rambo
RC Sproul Jr. on his aspirations of becoming Rambo:18
"I want to buy an assault rifle so I can shoot bad guys." (said to a group of pastors in Auckland, New Zealand in January, 2005)

RC Sproul Jr. on beating wives:
"Nor would I deny that some ethnic/cultural subgroupings have experienced greater common and special grace than others. A Scot, for instance, is less likely to beat his wife than a Pakistani."19

RC Sproul Jr yelling on phone
RC Sproul Jr. on telephone etiquette with "Phone Pimps" (telemarketers):
"Be bold and tell them to get a real job. Tell the callers that they are the lowest form of human life on the planet, that they are thieves of our time and our peace, that they are uninvited intruders and if the law and technology allowed, we would shoot them like rabid dogs."20

RC Sproul Jr. on not measuring up:
"My father and I are in the same line of work in the same way that the Space Shuttle and a paper airplane are both man-made flying objects. I don’t need to worry whether I will measure up, because no one ought to expect me to."21

RC Sproul Jr. on love:
RC Sproul Jr on love

"My tongue trembled when I sealed the envelope. But my heart exploded when a week later she too signed her letter, Love, Clare. It was a magic summer."22

Laurence Windham on love:23

LoveLFirst oveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveDo it!

Laurence Windham on the real reason that real men should make their wives wear head coverings:
"Have your wife cover her head in church. (Whether you agree with the practice or not it freaks people out.)"24

Laurence Windham on the Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church denomination not knowing their butts from a hole in the ground:
"Just recently I was changing my two year old son. Before I had fastened his diaper on he reached back to his lower posterior and said 'butt'. As a dad I was rather happy with the ongoing development of my child's noetic structure. My son now recognizes his derriere from, say, a hole in the ground. Of course, we use a colloquial phrase regarding this distinction between that part of our anatomy and a man made orifice for the securing of fenceposts to judge common sense. I'm not sure you as a body could tell the difference."25

Laurence Windham on how to be a real man:
"It is time, gentlemen, to get rough and rowdy. Break the apron strings; it is 'tea time' no longer. Put on some Levis. Pull on some boots. Pour yourself some scotch. Forgo shaving. Start wearing flannel. Light up a stogie. Try a Tarzan yell."26

Laurence Windham on the "Practicum" of lighting cigars:
"Be sure to let all the sulfer burn off the head of the match before you present it to the end of the cigar. Then just make sure the center of the head of the cigar is glowing red when you take a draw and you're ready to smoke. Remember, do not inhale. You are a smoker, not a sucker."27


1. Disassociating, Every Thought Captive, Vol 4, Issue 3 (2000)
2. Book Reviews, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 5, Issue 4
3. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
4. RC Sproul Jr. in a Feb '05 St. Peter Sunday evening service
5. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
6. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
7. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
8. Legacy, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 3, Issue 6
9. Oh Go Home, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 5, Issue 4
10. Falling In Love, Ligonier Tales
11. Junior High Girls, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
12. What Are You Talking About, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
13. Second Love, Ligonier Tales
14. The Vision by RC Sproul, Jr., Every Thought Captive, Vol 2 Issue 3
15. August 9 2005, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
16. Top Ten List, Every Thought Captive, Vol 9, Issue 5 (2005)
17. So You're Thinking About MovingHighlands Study Center
18. As retold by RC Sproul Jr. in a Feb '05 St. Peter Sunday evening service
19. My People, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
20. Phone Pimps Are Dogs, Highlands Study Center article
21. Son Of A Preacher Man, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
22. A Second Love, Ligonier Tales
23. Cartularium, Windham's "collection of news and other vital documents"
24. Skirting The Issues, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 6, Issue 1
25. Open Letter, Every Thought Captive, Vol 4, Issue 1 (2000)
26. Skirting The Issues, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 6, Issue 1
27. Smoke 'Em if You Got 'Em, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 3, Issue 1

If you've got any memorable RC and Laurence quotes (include citations), send them to:


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